Foreword: 30 years ago today, 167 men lost their life as the Piper Alpha oil rig went on fire and partially collapsed into the North Sea. John Goldthorp was one of them. His widow, now a regular attendee at St Peters, shares with us how this tragedy ‘shattered’ her life and yet shaped her faith.
I personally want to thank my mentor and close friend Nina for allowing me to interview her and for her courage in sharing her story publicly for the first time, especially at such a difficult time.
How did you meet John and what was he like?
“I met John in Gourock through his sister Ada who I was at college with. I saw him get off the bus and go into Ada’s home. I said, “oh a lovely bloke’s just gone into your house”. Ada said, “yes, that’s my brother”. So I started walking Ada home quite a lot.”
“He was a tall, attractive, quiet sort of man, a thoughtful man, a reflective man, a family orientated man, who liked golf, one for home. He was the opposite of me really, opposites attract. Strangely I always thought [our relationship] was too good to be true and it was never going to last, maybe it’s because I’m a pessimist.”
What was it like initially hearing about the Piper Alpha distracter?
“It was just like my whole world had completely shattered, I couldn’t function. I really thought that without John I’d be useless and there was no point in me being alive. I was so consumed with grief that I didn’t even think about my beautiful children.”
“I thought initially he can’t be dead because I would know, I remember thinking how silly it was to be having a funeral because John was going to come home. But as the days went on the realisation dawned on me: of course he was dead. But there were no quick answers, this [recovery mission] went on from July until September. Once they started to get bodies, the Police came and asked for dental records and things. Most bodies were found in the September of ’88 when they lifted the rig. They said that John was missing but not confirmed dead because they couldn’t find a body and was one of 30 who never was found.”
What were the first few years of life like without John?
“Terrible. But I had my children and you just get on with things. Without him became the norm and so you function. The Cullen Inquiry made everything worse. I wanted to find out everything, it’s just my nature and the more I found out the more horrible it was. He was trapped in a room called the White House and couldn’t get out. Him and Syd radioed up to the main control room and asked could they send someone down as they were trapped.”
“My kids coped with it in different ways… As a mum you want to make everything ok, but the one thing I couldn’t do was to bring their dad back. But they really felt for me and it brought us closer.”
How has your faith been influenced by losing your husband?
“I now have the benefit of hindsight and know you’ve got to lean on God all the more. It’s what I try to communicate when I meet young folk experiencing tremendous grief and pain in Dundee [as a Street Chaplain]. I wish someone had of told me that at the time.”
“If my faith had of been what it is now, then I might not have gone under so much. I still had faith even though it was hanging by a thread; I was still praying to God, but they were very sick prayers, I was just wrapped up in the whole event, it was all-consuming. I could never say it was a blessing and yet I look back and think maybe my faith wouldn’t have been as strong. If I was still with John would I be in the Baptist church, would I be enjoying the Free Church on a Sunday evening? I don’t know. I’d maybe still be in a church that didn’t preach the gospel!”
Has any good come out of this?
“My faith is as strong as it’s ever been, but I hate that my faith has benefited at the expense of John. I’m not even sure if John was saved, I have to leave that with God, I can’t think about that too much. I ask the Lord: Is this what it had to take to get me back on track and has John gone to a lost eternity? I know I’ve got great comfort from Joel 2:32 which says ‘if you call upon the name of the Lord you’ll be saved’. At least John knew there had been an explosion, he wasn’t stupid; he probably knew his life was going to come to an end that night. So I pray that he will have called on the name of the Lord.”
“Although not much has changed on the rigs, I’m not angry. I remember friends saying, “how can you go back to church?”, but I’ve never blamed God. In fact, I thought ‘why not me, why not my husband, are these things for everybody else?’ You can’t say that. In the light of eternity would it have mattered if John had of got off or not, I don’t think so, I just wish he had. So no, it wasn’t God’s fault, God weeps when disasters happen.”
It’s now been 30 years since the Piper Alpha disaster. What are your thoughts as you mark the anniversary?
“Thirty years is a long time, but to me sometimes it’s just like it happened yesterday. I’m often sad that John never saw his two children grow up to become such decent, caring people, and his five beautiful grandchildren. I’m not sad for me, I’m fortunate, God’s brought lovely people into my life, I’m sad that John’s not here to see this.”
“I once prayed a long time ago “Lord, use me in any way you want to, and if someone would benefit from it [my story] then that’s fine”. I remember then saying this to Laura and two nights later when my Pastor Ken from Broughty Ferry Baptist asked me to share my testimony with a group, she said: “Mum, you can’t pray that prayer and not give your testimony”. So yes I would share it but I just think it’s a yawn and old news for most people, that’s all… As for me, I’m just a different person now and I look back and see that by God’s grace I coped – I had to.”
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Nina Goldthorp is a retired nursery owner and hairdresser and regularly attends St Peters.
July 2018